I looked up the word karma the other day. It means action, work, or deed; it also refers to the spiritual principle of cause and effect where the intent and actions of an individual influence the future of that individual.
I was telling a friend that my ex-wife did something, again, to hurt me while ignoring the rules of our divorce agreement. It really doesn’t matter what she did because it’s minor compared to the other problems she has caused me.
His response? “Karma’s a bitch. People, friends, in particular, don’t really like to hear you whine about an ex, any ex, your boss, girlfriend, housekeeper, and try to steer you away from continuing.”
So, he tells me about karma.
I exhale while shaking my head. “Great. In other words, wait until she dies and she’ll be taken care of, whatever that means.”
“No. Not at all. You’re a people pleaser.”
“A what?”
“You know. Someone who’s afraid of confrontations. You actually allow bad things to happen to you. People who want to hurt you, like your ex-wife, can do so, and then you are the one apologizing.”
My left hand started to stroke three days of lazy growth on my chin. “Come again.”
“She refused to return your pre-marital property. You had to take her to court, where she gave you back some of your stuff. You were so happy to have what was given to you, you thanked her attorney even though you were really upset she refused to give up old photo albums and other things that have nothing to do with her. All she wanted to do was hurt you. You said nothing else. I would have screamed bloody murder. Most people would have done the same. So, what you have to start believing, because you are too old to change, is that one day, she will get hers. That means that you continue to live your life and when you least expect it, something will blow up in her face and you will find out about it.”
I stopped playing with the scratchy beard. “Kind of sucks, huh? Waiting for something to happen.”
“Look. There’s nothing wrong with being nice. That’s why we have the golden rule, right? Do unto others. But, it helps to believe that people who have wronged you will get what’s coming to them.”
“And that makes everything okay?”
“Of course not. Your ex-wife wants you to be miserable. All ex-wives and ex-husbands, want their spouses to be miserable. They wanna believe you can’t get along without them. But nobody wants to hear you complain about it or talk about it all the time. Friends will start to fade away. So, what you do is believe in karma. Maybe something will happen to her, maybe it won’t. But the way I see it, this allows you to release the bad stuff from your system. Think about it. Karma is the universal principle of cause and effect. Our actions, both good and bad, come back to us in the future, helping us to learn from life’s lessons and become better people. In religions that include reincarnation, karma extends through one’s present life and all past and future lives as well. I know. You’re Jewish. You don’t believe in reincarnation or heaven or hell. So here’s the thing. Expect the unexpected, but don’t let it control your life. You own your life. Stop waiting for the other shoe to drop. Organize. Compartmentalize. Prepare. Do all that you can do in the course of your day and if at the end of the day you survived, smile. Celebrate. Get the ex-wife, ex-boss, or whoever, out of your mind. Just because these people are focused on you, you don’t have to focus on them. They want you to believe that you are in over your head.”
“With what?”
“Everything. Life. The ex-wife for all the bad things you did to her. The ex-boss for all of the problems you caused.”
“I did to her? So, do you believe in karma?”
“Whether you did it or thought about it, there is lots of bad stuff there. And I do. Throw that in with some heavy drinking and you got yourself a pretty good night.”
“Okay. So let me ask you. Why am I getting screwed everywhere I go and every time I turn around?
“Oh. I thought you were gonna throw me some high heat. That’s easy.”
“Okay. And?”
“I wasn’t kidding before. You are too damn nice. And I don’t mean nice in a good way. You let people step on you. You can’t say no. You can’t get out of your own way. You don’t fight back. I cannot imagine that it is a good thing. You married your wife because she and your father pushed you into it. You were waiting for somebody to save you. Guess what? Nobody did. Nobody threw you a life preserver and you kept sinking. And then everything started to go south right? Your dad died and she told you to stop making it about you. Your sister and brother wanted nothing to do with her yet you defended her hoping somebody would agree with you. Not only did nobody agree, but she continued to berate you. You lost friends, relatives, your mother, your stuff, and let’s not forget your kids.”
“Twenty years I’ll never get back.”
“Karma my friend. Focus on what’s important. If what I’m saying is correct, good things will happen. Almost like the opposite of how you got here. Think of one good thing since the divorce, no matter how small. Then think of another. Now, just keep smiling and helping those who you can, not those you can’t. Throw in some patience, expect a few minor setbacks but keep moving forward.”
“So everything will come back to me?”
“It doesn’t come back, if it is there, it just stays there. If you remove it, it’s gone. But after that, you may start accumulating
it again. Karma is the residual memory of your actions. So, look, you thought bad stuff when you were married.”
I sighed. “Things got really bad. The more I look back on it, I do not even recognize the guy I was. She just stepped on me, over and over, and over. No matter where I went, she was there warning me that she would one day take the kids and I would never see them again.”
“I get it. Everyone gets it. She stabs you in the back and then complains about how much pain she’s in. The moment you start doing good to people, you will start getting good things happening in your life. Similarly, when you hurt someone, you will be forced to experience the same situation or an even worse situation.”
“And?”
“And nothing. Think only good. Help others. You know the rest.”
“Good things will come my way?”
“As my grandfather would say, “It’s like chicken soup when you get sick. It can’t hurt.”